until. next. time.

2006-06-08T16:08:00.000+08:00

i just needed to let you know, somehow, that i've never regretted being your friend either. those days suan-ing each other, they were just irreplaceable. and nobody has taken your place as my best friend either, much as i've tried to search for one.

there's just one more thing you need to know, my world isnt just filled with guys. your shadows might have left my writings, but memories always remain. and there has always been space and time in my heart (: i missed you my friend..

2006-03-25T01:11:00.000+08:00

you said i'd be ta cherie, no matter what, and you ask me, do i still want you?

with all my heart, i would say, oui.

but i also know that it would be the most selfish thing i could have done.

my first wish from that bottle of wishing stars: time.

2006-03-24T14:11:00.000+08:00

- becus i believe that you love me, but i dont think i love you enough
- becus i dont think i am emotionally mature enough to love
- becus i think i will still place studies and other responsibilities over our relationship
- becus i dont trust enough
- becus i think it's going to be unfair to you
- becus i am not ready to commit

and i ask you, do you still want me?

2006-03-23T00:31:00.000+08:00

thought abt it, talked to my few close friends who know practically everything going on in my life abt it.

she tells me to forget it all.

srsly, i'm considering it.

if i can summarize everything, these few weeks have been hell for me.
hell, becus i cant bring myself to forget.
if i do, i think i'm gonna be pretty cold hearted for a while.

cold, like ice.

except that this block of ice probably wont be melting for a very long time.

i wonder if you would still hold on to me if i wanted to let go, i wish you would, becus deep in my heart that flame's still alive.
if you could hold me close and feel my heartbeat.
i wonder if you sense sth thru my words, that fear, that hesitation.
i dont wanta hurt any more people, if only you could understand.
becus you said, love is not something to be forgotten easily.
becus i believed, that if its meant to be, it would be.

i'm not giving it up.
i'm just wondering, if i could get to know you all over again.
if i could just pretend to be a stranger in your life.
pretend it nvr happened, pretend its happening.
maybe i'll take my time this round, i nvr like things to be in such a hurry anyway.

or maybe
i should just forget it all.
guys are weird creatures.
the more i try to avoid them, the nearer they get.
and to think that my new year's resolution was to not get into any bgr for the next two years.
ha.
its an irony i use to critisize myself with.

forgetting wont be easy i know, but its by far the simplest way out.

with that heart of ice and those frozen tears;

i'd be someone
who can only dream about her fantasies in romance novels and fairytales.

2006-03-22T21:57:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wonder if i'm doing the right thing.

i think of you, subconsciously.

i hesitate; i ask myself if you still belong to me.

i really dont know.

i feel my tears drop, i question myself if theyre worth it.

time will tell, i guess.

i walk down the same street.
theres a big hole and i can see it, but i still fall in.
its dark and hopeless and i'm just a lil scared.
its my fault.
but i dont feel like ever getting out.

oh, and you ppl HAVE to read the lovely bones by alice sebold.

(:

i read the chinese translation, but qianni said the original was better.

just read it, its on family love.

c'est tout.

2006-03-14T07:38:00.000+08:00

sometimes i think youre a jerk.

not just you, but you and you and YOU too.

okay dont mind me i'm just starting to develop a slight distaste for random guys.

goodbye.

2006-02-12T18:52:00.000+08:00

what you think you have deleted
is not really as impt
as what you have taken away.
you know who you are
hacker040506.

its a terrible thing to know
you dont really have true friends in your own sch
the cliques; all with a brush of superficialty

yet
i am thankful for my true friends
girlfriends who stood by me
thru thick and thin
despite not being in my sch
despite not talking to me everyday
thanks for letting me know
that whatever happens
you'd all be there

i am glad,
to have my darling
to wipe my tears away when i cry
to simply lend me a listening ear.
they say girlfriends stay but boyfriends dont
i beg to differ,
cus you're different.
for you,
i'll be strong.
thanks for simply being there (:

you said the tears i shed

wasnt worth the mistrust of a friend.

i didnt agree at first,

but now i have to say,

you might be right.

you cant have everything in life.
i chose certain things
i dont regret my choice.
goodbye, my dear friend.
i'm just too tired to keep up with this anymore.
i have hurt others;
i've changed.
i've tried my best;
i'm sorry it still wasnt enough.
i dont think there is anything else i could do,
if you still dont believe me.

i saw as the trust you had in me
slipped past my fingers.
as for me
i dont know if i can place my trust in you
anymore.
friendship is the strongest thing in the world;
yet it is also the most fragile.

~~i take back my words two years ago~~
yet perhaps youre the one abandonning me now
if there's anything you hold against me,
i sincerely apologise.
but dont tell me about it,
i just want to forget everything.

its time i learn the importance

of letting go.

i have told the person with the same name as myself

to move on and never look back.

2005-12-12T02:02:00.000+08:00

the author has decided to stop posting anything until she finds things interesting enough in her life to really talk about. donc, a bientot! (: